Tuesday, December 29, 2009

stopping.

today, im goin to receive the cardigan i purchased online. it will be sent to my home address, too bad im not home. :/

life currently.

i am starting to run. very quickly. fast forwarding, even.

suddenly now im stopping.

not looking back, just stopping.

perhaps i've lost my strength to run.

perhaps i just need to regain it back.

i need You.

please, help me.

Monday, December 28, 2009

i think im a total wreck right now.

like, everything is falling apart.

again.

im starting to become anybody else but myself.

i need somebody to tell me to take it slow

it's not goin to take me anywhere anyhow.

it's not goin to heal this.

it's not goin to make me stronger or whatever.

it's just....

a solid distraction.

Sunday, December 27, 2009





a warm hug could really do at the moment.




to make me breath easy again.









Saturday, December 26, 2009

choked.

hahaha..last wednesday, we had night class. database class. after the class ended, we walked our loooong journey back to our hostel. suddenly along the way shifa snapped "i teringin nak makan sundae mcd laa.." followed by lin "e'eh. aku pun cam lapa je skarang." and me "SEERIOUS aku pun lapa! padahal da makan nasi petang tadi tapi lepas jogging lapar balik. pekena prosperity best ni." and lastly..pika "wei, klua gi mcd nak?" :D

so happen one cab suddenly on its way towards us and when it almost went pass us by kitorang terhegeh-hegeh kejar cab tu time tu jugak. "tunggguuuuuuuuuu....!!!" hahaha tak dapat dikenal pasti sape yang menjerit canie but fortunately the cab did stopped. time bukak pintu cab tu time tu jugakla didiey darling, my roommate called "eh you kat mane?" "i nak klua jap, nape syg?" "eh i nak kirim etc etc" "woi tira cepatla btaw pakcik tu dulu nak ke mana" said pika i think, then i was like "okay okay didiey i gotta go, later i call back yeah." then first thing i said to the pakcik cab was,
"hello," ala-ala orang cakap fon gitu. sebab terbawak-bawak cakap fon dengan didiey tadi laa! siot je kena gelak dengan dorang. hahahaha...

first impression pakcik cab tu macam baik. so we asked him to take us to the mcd nearby. on the road macam-macam gakla die tanye..uia ni bagus ke tak la apela..biasela..try to be friendly kan..kitorang pun layan jela.. die siap bagi num phone die untuk kitorang call suh amik balik uia nanti..tataw die akan cekik kami semua cukup-cukup later on..kejap, cte pasal sampai mcd dulu.

dalam mcd. "nak prosperity, burger saje." "nak ayam ke lembu?" hahaha...tataw pesal, i rase cam klaka sangat the way the lembu sound..sebab biasanya kan we said beef, ni macam, tiba-tiba lembu. i was like "emm.lembu.haha.." paham tak macam nak makan the whole lembu je bunyinye?? yeah i laughed right at that moment. skali dengan cashier2 tu gelak gak.

then we had good times la lepak-lepak. saw few uia brothers and tahan jela rase jealous sebab dorang datang dengan kereta kan. later bila da puas makan-makan gelak-gelak smua, nak balik la kan. call la pakcik tu.."yea saya datang kul 11 ye." and it was 10.40pm camtu la. we decided to wait outside mcd near the big road instead for another cab. tunggu punya tunggu memang harapanla nak jumpa cab lain..we were surrounded by big lorries in front of the petrol station (as the mcd is located in the petrol station) so agak scary okay? shifa and pika da start pouting da..somehow terasa cam stranded pun ade gak..but i keep telling them akan ade gak cab lalu..padahal sendiri tak pasti..we moved further up to avoid being seen by the uia brothers yang tengah lepak-lepak lagi kat mcd. macam memalukan je kalau dorang nampak kitorang stranded kat situ. terang-teranganla kitorang budak uia gak..rupa macam baru balik kelas kan..

sharp 11pm the cab arrived..haa..ni la kisah kami dicekik..pakcik tu tak pasang meter. pika asked, "nape pakcik tak pasang meter?" "...." paham tak?? die senyap jeerh! diba da maki-maki kat belakang..pika typed "bongok punye pakcik. die tipu kite." on her phone and showed it to me. i was like, what do you expect, malam-malam canie cab mane yang rajin nak mengangkut kan? mesti menipu punye lah. lumrah.

arrived uia, "rm7 yee." "rm5 takboleh ke pakcik? dekat je pun, dahla tak pasang meter." "takboleh la..rm7.."

like wtf. mcd yang tepi hidung uia tu pun rm7.

memang tak naik dah la.
sekian terima kasih.
















from left: pika, lin, diba




shifa.itula dia buku text database kami!










im unpredictable.

in case he's reading this, i reli shudnt shudnt shudnt shudnt shudnt shudnt call you that night. didnt know what was i thinking. all i wanted to hear was your "hello" and then hang up the phone.
yeah, sometimes i dont know what's coming ahead out of me. like im so unpredictable, i have no idea of my own self.

owh well. lets just pray he hasn't freaked out by me just yet.

and you mr. z. is it true? what im guessing? you've been acting weird since yesterday and i started to assume one thing i shouldn't. i mean, how could i not? please just tell me the truth. be honest with me no matter how im gonna react later. at least it could put an end to this endless question marks on our minds and we never gonna have to wait anymore.

but i need you and him to know that i am feeling so empty right now. i don't need either of you to help fill me up with more brutal hopes and dreams and whatnot, because i think i have stop believing that i fit in for that kind of love. guys keep come and go in my life as if im the pit stop in their racing circuit, or im the touch n go toll at duke highway. so please, love hurts too much for me.

i just need a company. a good one. a listener. who pretends to understand. who accepts me no matter how ridiculous i look that day or how silly my jokes may sound.

hope these friendships will keep growing beautifully. the rest leave it to Allah to decide shall we?

here they are!


this is mila!




musical chair pasang lagu sudirman.suka suka.hehe




the guy in pink is hasrul, their "daddy".




seeerious ramai and riuh rendah!




this is tini kecik.sebab ade tini besa.hehe




giving attention they need




ili and shamin




senyum gigi biru ala2 ym.ngeeee